I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
