my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Let the clothes fall where they may.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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