dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
