If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
