You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize