Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize