What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i will never coherently bang her
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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