Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
