We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
