Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
