Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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