do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
