Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
