i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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