Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
