I got chris browned last night
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Pants are for mortals
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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