Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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