the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
