listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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