This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
