you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Such a big mess for such a small penis
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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