return my video game
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
