Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
