More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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