Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
