its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
