Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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