Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
