Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
