im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
