Cold hands, warm shart.
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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