this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just want to make out with him forever
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
