Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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