Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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