I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
