she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
you will always have a special place in my vag
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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