did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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