i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
