this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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