i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
