Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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