I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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