Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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