definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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