what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
