is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My cat gives me a boner
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
