im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
