I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
