I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
