I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
