no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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