guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
