I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
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He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
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I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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