what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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