The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
