So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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