He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
