I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
