I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
