Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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