i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
