I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
