Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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