I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
