I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
