Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
