Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
