One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She needs sedatives and a leash
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
