the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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