I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
