I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
