her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
