I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
