she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
